Like Assendon without Bix, sporting goods without Dick's,

I yearn for you.

Like a junkie sans their fix, or west Texas without hicks,

like Malkmus minus Jicks, cereal aisle absent Kix,

a sucker with no licks, or checkmarks without their mix,

my love you cannot nix; 'specially after racy pics!

My nails bit to their quicks, bandaged poor with generics,

my seven cries for six, stood outside bereft of tix.

O, bathe me in thy Vicks, give my tapers all their wicks!

I yearn for you!